LGBT and A?

The Man Who Didn't Need Sex - Pic courtesy of Wikipedia

by Trebor Snillor
Caution: Today’s topic is another one that is frank and sexual. I was so enlivened by my Buck Angel blog entry, I had to do another sex topic. In fact, Netflix suggested “Asexual” to me after watching the Buck Angel story.

Asexual is a term that I’m long familiar with – a term used humorously to describe people having a sexual “dry spell” or to describe people with a sexless, neutral persona. I was quite surprised to see that there is actually a significant group of people (numbering in the thousands) who actually identify as asexual – having no active sex attraction to men or to women.

They have an organized support group called AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) founded by 25 year-old David Jay -- a charming young man who looks like he’d have no problem meeting the ladies (or the gents). In interviews, he dispels the ideas that asexuals are simply shy or disaffected people having momentary romantic issues. He insists that it’s a valid category unto itself.

The Netflix documentary showed several AVEN gatherings. There were things observed, some of which raised an eyebrow maybe two..

o A great majority of the members are women – say 80%.
o Many of the members have Asperger’s Syndrome – a condition already characterized by difficult social interactions.
o Many of the members previously identified as lesbian or gay.
o Members admit to still masturbating, although vague about their fantasy objects.
o Members admit to a need for hugging and touching – just nothing too orgasmic.

Just as you might say, “Case closed, nothing else to add..” you would be wrong. There are more asexual flavors than Baskin-Robbins ever offered. You have:

o Aromantic – A person who is truly stand-alone, no need for anybody around.
o Romantic – A person who can have innocent attractions, just none that leads to intercourse or deep kissing.

Got all that? OK – now you can pair these features with “conventional” sex attractions and have:

o Hetero-romantic
o Homo-romantic
o Pan-romantic

What’s that last one? It’s someone who has innocent (hand-holding) attractions to both sexes – maybe in other words bi-asexual.

In watching this documentary, there was a certain, nebulous squishiness to the whole thing. A couple of women participated in the group but wouldn’t commit to being asexual. Both ended up in sexual relationships later on. None of the people could be specific about fantasies even though they admitted to masturbation.

The leader himself (David Jay) seemed to vacillate on the cause when one of the objects of his hetero-romantic desire chose a sexual relationship with another man.

In a group session, David pointed out some truths we all would concede.. Sex is complicating to a friendship and can actually lead to destructive, defensive behaviors. His asexual world leaves less room for things like jealousy or turf battles. The problem is … Asexual World isn’t real. It has more in common with Disney Land than it does with a world that actually exists.

Most of the people in the documentary looked like they were nursing various emotional wounds and withdrawing to a safe, neutral zone. Others simply didn’t look ready to sign the dotted line. Much like the EXODUS group which touted its ability to turn gays into straights, AVEN seems like a group with its head on backwards.

If you have an hour to kill with a purely strange, alternate sex universe you might check out this documentary on Netflix. I’m willing to be educated on any topic, but I was unconvinced at the end of this.

© 2014 Snillor Productions

Tennessee Mountain Girl

Country Music Power House - Pic courtesy of Wikipedia

by Trebor Snillor

The Weather is Here

We had a wonderful cool spell this weekend with temps dipping down into the 60’s. It was also overcast and rainy which takes away from the enjoyment factor. I’m looking forward to my favorite month, October which typically gives us the cool rays of sun and seventy-two degrees to go with it.

Joan Rivers and Robin Williams

I’m remiss not to mention these two great talents who recently left us under differing circumstances. They’ve been memorialized already so much in print I can’t add a lot more. Robin Williams was a comic tour-de-force who was gripped by internal sadness. Can’t imagine that the Reaper was really ready to take him yet. Joan was the acerbic insult comic that some people loved to hate. In fact, she was generous, fun-loving lady who gave generously and stirred things up on stage just for shock and entertainment factor. An acquired taste for some – yes probably, but I liked her right off the bat.

A Very, Very, Very Nice House

Since redoing my master bedroom, I’m basically doing the whole house. My house has had the confusing clutter of a furniture consignment store, with oddly placed junk in every corner. I’m mostly now taking carloads of stuff to Goodwill and discovering the wonders of empty space. I like that look.

Topic du Jour

I’ve always loved Dolly Parton – she was already bigger-than-life in the 70’s when I started following her career. With the piled hair, big boobs and angelic voice, she posed a conundrum of sorts – what to make of her? She’s joked in interviews that she envied the look of the “town hooker” but her incredible work ethic and career history belie all that.

One of 12 children born to a tobacco farmer, she quickly overcame a childhood of poverty. By age 10, she was performing on The Cas Walker Show. By age 13, she had a contract with Gold Band records and was receiving career advice from Johnny Cash. Did I mention 13 years old? Dolly Parton had (and has) an incredible combination of talents: singing, songwriting, business moxie and people skills -- all wrapped up in her compact little body. Immediately after graduating high school, she signed as a songwriter with Combine Publishing Company. She variously composed and sang backup for a few years until she landed her career-making part on The Porter Wagoner Show in 1967.

The rest after this is showbiz history, and this is pretty much the point where I became a fan. She’s had 25 number 1 songs, 8 Grammy’s, 110 charted singles and way too many other accolades to mention here. Even at 68, the surgically enhanced Parton is still a music powerhouse. In 1966 she married Carl Thomas Dean – an asphalt company manager 4 years her senior. He has kept such a low profile, that one might doubt his actual existence. He is steadfastly his own man and has shunned the spotlight across 50 years. Maybe it helps explain why the couple has remained together so long.

What to make of Dolly? If you removed the makeup, wigs, heels and accessories I’m not even sure what would remain. I’m still getting over the shock of seeing Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers without makeup in various videos.. Don’t anyone take me up on the Dolly question just posed. Some things are better left as a mystery.

If you read the lyrics of Dolly’s songs (eg Coat of Many Colors, Tennessee Mountain Home), the words are evocative and beautiful. Even without her voice and guitar strumming she could be the Poet Laureate of Tennessee. We are very blessed to have this living music legend serenading us.

The sun finally came out after 3 days of cloudiness. Think I’ll wrap this up – maybe listen to Dolly’s greatest hit collection on the way back to the house.

© 2014 Snillor Productions

The World According to Dude

We all need to chill - Pic courtesy of Wikipedia

by Trebor Snillor
This Weekend
This is Labor Day weekend and I’ve managed to stay pretty occupied. Just refurnished my bedroom with contemporary-style furniture and am getting new linens to go with it. No trouble saying goodbye to the bulky furniture it replaces. Quite a few other things are going on with family and work as well..

Steve
My brother Steve is 61 – not a great deal older than me. He was recently hospitalized for heart palpitations and is having to now take a series of heart meds. His doctor has urged him to slow things down and reduce stress. I’ve barely digested the recent deaths of parents, aunts and uncles so I’m totally unprepared to deal with mortality in a sibling. The need for relaxation is an easy sell to me.

Zen, Epicurus and Dudeism
I’ve touched on this topic before – reflection, introspection and savoring the small details of life. We live in a fast-paced material world and it sometimes swallows us whole. We’re in a mad rush to really nowhere I might add.

Yesterday I drove on the Dallas Tollway to IKEA in Frisco. I drove at 65mph in the center lane – I was given dirty looks by drivers hurtling past me, left and right. A 30-something man in a new, red Tahoe was easily doing 80mph, weaving in and out to keep his “lead” in the fast lane. This was even on a curvy section of the Tollway. I couldn’t help wondering what his urgency was on a Sunday afternoon. Was it worth dying for? Once I reached IKEA, I was almost mowed down in the pedestrian crosswalk by a person impatient to shop. We have a need for immediate proximity and also immediate communication..

Comedian Patton Oswalt just wrote an essay for TIME magazine – it seems he logged off of Twitter and Facebook for 3 summer months. He did it for quality time with his daughter and to reestablish eye contact with friends and associates. He pointed out that the American middle class now has an iPhone or an Android acting as an arm appendage. We glue ourselves to a glass pane for instant communication, while driving our cars lead-footed and manically. Speed and immediacy beget more of the same. We seem to be caught in some type of technology vortex and have no ability to save ourselves from ourselves.

Chill
I’d like to channel the spirits of Epicurus and Dude. Here are my ideas about how to approach the Tollway, smart phones and other evils of the modern world..

- There are no hurries. Unless someone is giving birth or has a severed finger there is no need ever to drive like a maniac. Ever.
- Your cell phone should not even be on or within reach while driving. The call should be deferred until you park or pull aside. Even a hands-free phone causes distracted driving.
- You should occasionally have 1960’s day – you can’t use anything invented after 1969. That still leaves you lots of great things. It gives you an afternoon of theater or a good book. It gives you conversation and even still leaves you TV. It rips you away from computers, smart phones and gaming devices that turn you into a walking-dead, isolated idiot.
- You should savor the world about you – become a bit of a foodie, wine enthusiast or musical buff. Walk in the park are have a BBQ in the back yard. Figure a way to enjoy this beautiful world and the enhancements afforded by chefs, artists, musicians and actors. But do it all away from the glaring screen of an iPhone or an iPad.

My brother’s health issue was an eye opener and so was my trip to IKEA. Too many of us are in a big friggin’ hurry – myself included. It's time for us to chill and appreciate what low technology has to offer.

© 2014 Snillor Productions