Gone Too Soon

Michael's HIStory statue in Europe -- Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

by blogSpotter
When news of Michael Jackson’s recent death reached me, I was shocked but not entirely surprised. In the 80’s, People ran an MJ byline that said, “Is this guy weird or what?” At that point, he was just known for harmless eccentricities -- an Elephant man here, a chimp over there, maybe a hyperbaric oxygen chamber next to that. By the 90’s, his behavior verged upon reactionary neurosis and mental melt-down. He veered from child molestation charges to weirdly arranged marriages and then baby-dangling episodes. His odd plastic surgery evolution had to be (at least in part) outwardly indicative of his inward mental implosions.

Probably in part as a reaction to all his bad press, he had been treated for pain killers and rushed to the hospital on various occasions. Now if TMZ and various tabloid sources can be trusted, it appears that Jackson was getting daily Demerol injections from a live-in physician. How much emotional or physical pain do you have to be in to require such dosages from a Dr. “Feel Good”? This drug is potent, and Jackson probably cheated death innumerable times before the grim reaper came and stayed.

His death reminded me in some ways of other tormented celebs -- Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley and Judy Garland to be sure. Marilyn was found in “barbiturate coma” a time or two by agents and housekeepers prior to her actual death in 1962. At 42, Elvis was a bloated vestige of his youthful persona -- chowing down peanut butter & banana sandwiches and popping tranquilizers. He also had a Dr Feel Good in the wings at the time of his 1977 death.

What to make of these things? Marilyn was 36, Elvis was 42, Judy was about 47 and MJ was 50. All were around mid-life but still young enough for reinvention and new career moves. A modest being might just be content to do like Greta Garbo -- retire at 38 and live happily off of investments. You’d have lingering mystique and privacy to boot; she certainly did. Somehow with others, the out-size fame and fortune brings out-size expectations… “I’m famous and beautiful, how can I be so alone?”

Michael and Elvis in particular created insular, make-believe worlds even similar in name -- “Graceland” and “Neverland”. Both were surrounded by sycophants, servants and doctors wielding needles and vials with mighty elixirs of sleep and relaxation. One supposes that out-size egos might want out-size medications that exceed the limits of ordinary budgets, FDA laws and even common sense.

It’s a mighty shame, because all of the aforementioned had so much more to give the world -- in spite of low self-esteem moments they might have felt at the times of their demises. I was very much looking forward to a Michael Jackson comeback -- musical redemption was in the offing. We (and they in the beyond) can settle on the weird consolation that the world will never see their bodies buckled with age or faces withered like leather masks. To the athlete (or entertainer) who died young -- we will miss you terribly. Thank you for what you gave us while you were here.

© 2009 blogSpotter

Sweet Little Lies ...

Sweet little lies that I tell myself -- Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

by blogSpotter
“Just the facts sir”. OK, I’ll have to lay it out for you Mr. Webb. I’ve struggled with my weight for about 15 years. I’ve tried fad diets and gimmicks -- nothing ever seemed to work -- then or now. I did finally join 24 Hour Fitness in 2005 and thought a 3 times-a-week cardio workout would keep me safe from excess poundage. I was wrong about that, even after 4 years of a pretty steady workout regimen.

How did I recognize the problem? The “fat suit” that I purchased at Joseph Banks in 1999 no longer fit me when I put it on for a funeral last month. When I went to Men’s Wearhouse for a new suit, I was dismayed to have my waist measured at 38 inches. How did I not know that? Self delusion -- I found an off-brand of jeans at Kohl’s where the sizes run large. A Kohl’s 36” is probably a 38” by anyone else’s measure. But I kidded myself that Levis and Wrangler ran “too small”.


Mind games with Alli -- Picture courtesy of GlaxoSmithKline

So how do you think you added on the weight sir? More mind games -- I don’t play any greater games with myself than I do with weight loss strategies. Two years ago, I started taking the Alli (Orlistat) pill as soon as it became approved for over-the-counter retail. The pill blocks fat absorption (and it really does), but here is the rub… It doesn’t block everything; if you continue eating fatty foods, it won’t block enough. Even worse, I would eat a 3 enchilada dinner at El Fenix and justify it by popping a couple of Alli pills. Not only did I not change my eating habits, I went further in the wrong direction. Alli was helpless to battle my gluttony.

CHARLIE’S RULE

A newly recovered alcoholic should not have a fully stocked bar, or a fridge full of beer. Why then do I, a seasoned food-a-holic, think It’s OK to have a pantry full of sandwich crackers, Oreos and pop corn? The snacks initially snuck into my house as afternoon “work snacks”. I was merely “warehousing” them at my house -- that is except when I wolfed them down late at night as snacks at home.

My friend Charlie a few years ago pointed out something very helpful and relevant which I ignored at the time:

“Don’t bring fattening food into your house”.

If you know you have a problem with it, don’t have it around. Charlie, how right you are. I’m still not out of the woods -- I need to navigate special occasions and work lunches. We don’t go anywhere at lunch where you don’t get chips, biscuits, rolls or bread sticks as complementary fare. Not that many places have a good “Lite Fare” menu. I’ll have to pray for the strength to resist the carbo-temptations.

I asked a trim, athletic friend close to my age, “Do you ever have an evening snack, while watching TV?”

He responded, “Oh yeah, every once in a while I have a popsicle.”

A … popsicle?? That wouldn’t get me through a commercial. I’m hoping that fruit and zucchini chips can see me through the night. And maybe, just maybe I can quit telling myself the sweet little lies that got me into this weighty situation.

© 2009 blogSpotter

Why be NORML?

Cannabis reaching skyward -- Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

by blogSpotter
Let me preface this article by saying I don't use marijuana. That being said, I'm a socially progressive person who believes in "live and let live". If a crime is victimless, and it's arguable that the perpetrators have not damaged themselves any significant way, I have to wonder why society is so intrusive about it. Cards are on the table, let’s proceed.

I don’t have to tell anybody what marijuana is; it’s the popular herb cannabis that releases a psychoactive chemical called THC when smoked or ingested. It’s been used to that effect since prehistory, but in modern Western society it’s been criminalized and maligned – users can face felony charges for using or selling it. Favorite arguments against it fall along a couple of lines:

ALLEGED DRAWBACKS

Apparently smoking cannabis can draw ammonia, hydrogen cyanide and nitrogen oxide into your lungs. Similar drugs may also be induced by smoking tobacco, though not as concentrated. Cannabis causes no such problems if ingested with food. Other studies indicate that cannabis might lead to anxiety, psychosis and depression. Alcohol, which is legal does the same thing only to a greater extreme and in a shorter period of time. Why the discrepancy?

A second argument frequently given is that cannabis is a "gateway drug". There is no widely accepted study or proof that cannabis leads to harder drugs. Whatever it may lead you to is very similar to the path established by tobacco and alcohol. A study in Europe suggested that cannabis when smoked was indeed a gateway – it led to the smoking of tobacco as well.

WHY BE NORML?

The hypocrisy and double standards surrounding cannabis have confounded progressive people for years. In 1970, the Playboy Foundation seeded a group called NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws) with a mere $5000. The organization has grown to 135 chapters, including 550 lawyers. NORML claims that marijuana is the 4th largest cash crop in America, despite 32% of new seedlings being seized each year by drug enforcement. NORML has been credited with medical cannabis being allowed in some limited situations and also the lightening of some sentences related to it. However much work is left to be done. Their latest campaign was a boycott against Kellogg's for dropping Olympian, sometimes toker Michael Phelps as a product spokesperson. This leads us to …

WHO IS NORML?

Politics makes for really strange bedfellows I must say. To look at NORML’s advisory board is to chuckle, nay to laugh outright. I’d love to see one of their meetings. We have: Willie Nelson, Barbara Ehrenreich (feminist author), Woody Harrelson, Bill Maher and Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong fame). I’ve read Ehrenreich’s editorials in TIME – she’s kind of an unfunny tight-ass on other things. Who would imagine she likes to get high? Hunter S. Thompson, gonzo journalist, was a former member – he may not be such a good spokesperson since he offed himself with a shotgun. The other living members are celebrated for their love of the weed, and bringing them together would be a hoot. I can only imagine what the pastries would be.

In conclusion, I can only say there is a certain collective obsessive compulsion with our punishment of cannabis users. We have as a society, such a slight grip on things like abortion, Iraq, gasoline prices and property taxes – we have to clamp down with a vengeance on something that’s “controllable”. Only, is it really that controllable? 4th largest cash crop in America? Why don’t we bring the hammer down on people and situations that actually do harm – and leave Woody and Chong to their own hemp-loving devices.

© 2009 blogSpotter

Patton Oswalt: Insanely Funny

I watched a man shave his what? -- Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

by blogSpotter
Curses to Patton Oswalt! He almost made me fall off my elliptical machine at 24 Hour Fitness, from laughing so hard. His humor is so left-field edgy and sardonic, it makes me want to listen to the routines repeatedly on my iPod. Such an honor hasn’t been extended to Wanda Sykes or Louis Black. Who is Patton Oswalt? He’s the 40-year comedian, actor (sitcom and voiceover) who may have shocked, appalled and amused you variously playing lovable losers on shows like King of Queens or movies like Failure to Launch. He also voiced the lovable albeit sarcastic Disney mouse Remy in Ratatouille.

In person, Oswalt is sort of cute and cherubic (others might say roly-poly or jovial and round). He grew up in Sterling, Virginia and was an English major at the college of William and Mary. He started doing standup comedy in 1996 and then evolved into character acting. Oswalt is somewhat a renaissance man -- he also is a skilled artist and comic book author. He’s also done voiceovers for video games like Grand Theft Auto; he offers his creative touch to virtually every popular form of media.

What strikes me about this man is his enormous command of language, combined with fearless insights into the sociopolitical foibles all around us. His topics cover an enormous range -- the idiocracy of George W. Bush, liquor ads, Stelladora breakfast treats, on-line porno spam, gay pride parades, and ball-shaving (don’t ask). He unflinchingly goes places that other late night comedians dread.

Like most geniuses, he borders a bit on pure lunacy -- in one sketch he refers to Israel as “Biblevania” and in another set he compares the smell of a woman’s nether regions to a “baby’s coffin”. These are not words that would spring to my own mind, but I neither am I best-selling published author of screenplays and adult comics. I have only one quibble so far -- he's used "gay" as an insult word in a couple of bits. He's very progressive and pro-Human Rights so I doubt he really intends it as an insult; LGBT's probably make up a significant portion of his fan base.

Where might you catch him now, after I’ve done this big build-up? You might see him on Comedy Central, roasting Flavor Flav or William Shatner. You might catch him as the voice of Carl, the Corndog Mascot on SpongeBob. You might catch his upcoming film, Big Fan (another lovable loser role).

Oswalt’s first daughter, Alice was just born in April 2009. He may be caught up in the tasks of fatherhood, although this delightfully demented man may have trouble diverting attention away from his hundred creative projects. It must be nice to be Patton.

© 2009 blogSpotter

Back to the Cone Zone

Conan and Hanks, prior to the meteor -- Picture courtesy of NBC

by blogSpotter
One of my very first blog entries in 2005 was a tribute to the comedy genius of Conan O’Brien. I made reference to his extreme over-the-top gags, and his extreme willingness to sacrifice personal dignity for a laugh. You can only imagine how glad I am to have him on an hour sooner, when I’m more awake and alert to the comedy antics.

I worried about how Conan would make this huge transition – he’s also taping in Los Angeles’ Universal Studios, no longer in New York. Trees can go into transplant shock, might that happen to our Conan? What I can say is there is huge relief – Conan brought along much of the greatness:

• Max Weinberg – His “Seven” have now been augmented with several more, and it’s the “Tonight Show Band”.
• Andy Richter – brought back from semi-retirement as side kick! Andy Richter is absolutely hilarious in his deadpan, sarcastic manner. It was a terrible loss on old Conan when Richter left circa the late 90’s.
• Theme song, writing quality – They brought back his theme song and the humor vein is much the same even if they shuffled some writers.

NBC must have great faith in it all – they built Conan a brand new, multi-million dollar studio to house the operations. I personally think that he’s worth it. Have opined to my Texas coworkers that Conan might be “too cerebral” for prime time audiences. This didn’t endear me or Conan to any of the coworkers. I don’t want to tell Conan to dumb it down – he’s still 30 minutes past prime time. But he might want to cut back on sacrilegious humor or “extreme” conceptual, comic irony. I’m not bothered by the image of Jesus shooting hoops but there are people who might take offense.

Leno is coming back this fall in a 9PM (CST) time slot. His will still be a one hour talk show, and he to will probably resurrect many of his routines. Leno went stale a while back (IMHO) with routines like Jay Walkers and Gilbert Gottfried fake interviews. The magic probably would fade for anyone over a long enough time; Johnny Carson was a revered comic icon, but also seen as a sort of cultural barometer. By the last decade of his run, it was getting old. “How hot was it?” became a mantra for staleness. Leno will be up against prime time shows which could be problematic. On the other hand, Oprah and Ellen have done very well with talk shows aired earlier.

What to say about Conan? He’s truly a funny man – if I could ask five living people to dinner he would be one of them. (Still deciding on the other four…). :-) His show is still very new in its first week. He’s still getting standing ovations and A List celebs (e.g., the meteor-smacked Tom Hanks). Lets see how it evolves over the weeks. He should bring back “If They Mated”, “Real Ads” and the Andy Richter staring contest. Am not sure how I feel about them changing “Year 2000” to “Year 3000” but I guess at some point the clock has to move forward. I’m glad we’re moving it forward with a Conan Tonight Show.

© 2009 blogSpotter