LGBT and A?

The Man Who Didn't Need Sex - Pic courtesy of Wikipedia

by Trebor Snillor
Caution: Today’s topic is another one that is frank and sexual. I was so enlivened by my Buck Angel blog entry, I had to do another sex topic. In fact, Netflix suggested “Asexual” to me after watching the Buck Angel story.

Asexual is a term that I’m long familiar with – a term used humorously to describe people having a sexual “dry spell” or to describe people with a sexless, neutral persona. I was quite surprised to see that there is actually a significant group of people (numbering in the thousands) who actually identify as asexual – having no active sex attraction to men or to women.

They have an organized support group called AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) founded by 25 year-old David Jay -- a charming young man who looks like he’d have no problem meeting the ladies (or the gents). In interviews, he dispels the ideas that asexuals are simply shy or disaffected people having momentary romantic issues. He insists that it’s a valid category unto itself.

The Netflix documentary showed several AVEN gatherings. There were things observed, some of which raised an eyebrow maybe two..

o A great majority of the members are women – say 80%.
o Many of the members have Asperger’s Syndrome – a condition already characterized by difficult social interactions.
o Many of the members previously identified as lesbian or gay.
o Members admit to still masturbating, although vague about their fantasy objects.
o Members admit to a need for hugging and touching – just nothing too orgasmic.

Just as you might say, “Case closed, nothing else to add..” you would be wrong. There are more asexual flavors than Baskin-Robbins ever offered. You have:

o Aromantic – A person who is truly stand-alone, no need for anybody around.
o Romantic – A person who can have innocent attractions, just none that leads to intercourse or deep kissing.

Got all that? OK – now you can pair these features with “conventional” sex attractions and have:

o Hetero-romantic
o Homo-romantic
o Pan-romantic

What’s that last one? It’s someone who has innocent (hand-holding) attractions to both sexes – maybe in other words bi-asexual.

In watching this documentary, there was a certain, nebulous squishiness to the whole thing. A couple of women participated in the group but wouldn’t commit to being asexual. Both ended up in sexual relationships later on. None of the people could be specific about fantasies even though they admitted to masturbation.

The leader himself (David Jay) seemed to vacillate on the cause when one of the objects of his hetero-romantic desire chose a sexual relationship with another man.

In a group session, David pointed out some truths we all would concede.. Sex is complicating to a friendship and can actually lead to destructive, defensive behaviors. His asexual world leaves less room for things like jealousy or turf battles. The problem is … Asexual World isn’t real. It has more in common with Disney Land than it does with a world that actually exists.

Most of the people in the documentary looked like they were nursing various emotional wounds and withdrawing to a safe, neutral zone. Others simply didn’t look ready to sign the dotted line. Much like the EXODUS group which touted its ability to turn gays into straights, AVEN seems like a group with its head on backwards.

If you have an hour to kill with a purely strange, alternate sex universe you might check out this documentary on Netflix. I’m willing to be educated on any topic, but I was unconvinced at the end of this.

© 2014 Snillor Productions