Smooth Operators

the Rock

Today's topic is a bit unusual, perhaps kinky. We are discussing hair on a man's body -- the pros and cons. There was a time in America's past, when a hairy chest was a masculine virtue. Cowboys derived half their swagger from a face of stubble; potable drinks were given with the phrase, "This will put hair on your chest". If you look at popular culture, there have been flash points where hair was there -- most notably in the 1960's. Sean Connery was a hirsute spy in the James Bond series. His chest was hairy enough to prompt the Austin Powers spoof of the 1990's. Charlton Heston showed scorn to damned dirty apes in "Planet of the Apes". All the while, he displayed his seminude, hairy ape-like body. In "Love Story", Ryan O'Neal was all hair, as he bedded down with the tragically star-crossed Ali McGraw character.

But where hair has shown up, it's almost unusual -- that's why a handful of film snippets can nearly account for all such appearances. Now if you look back to Tarzan movies of the 30's and 40's, Johnny Weissmuller was hairless. Any beach movie featuring Elvis or Frankie Avalon also give you hairless and hairless. If you scan through the 80's, 90's and 00's pop culture, we seem to be looking at the age of smooth skin. It's long been thought that young teenage girls were attracted to girlish looking boys. Thus, you have Lisa Simpson reading a magazine called "Non-threatening Teenage Boys". But is it just a teenage phenomenon? Consider that even the most ominous men, with muscles and tattoos still seem to eschew the hairy body -- the Rock for instance. Does hair interfere with muscle sheen or tattoo art? You have to figure it could obscure a tattoo.

Talking to various youthful males here at work, or at the gym -- it seems that hair should be removed if you weren't already born without it. Apparently it is both for personal esthetics and 'the pleasure of the woman'. Some take this to an extreme. Hair is gone from everywhere -- no carpet, no drapes. You can go for shaving, waxing or laser removal if you want to lose it for good. I myself take a conservative approach to a lot of things, and this is one -- thank you very much. I never went for piercing, tattoos or pants halfway down the butt. I’m a small percentage American Indian, which has given me a fairly hairless anatomy – I have no big dilemma like some guys.

Is hairlessness an ultimate trend, or merely a fad? Well, humans are sometimes referred to as the "naked ape". Civilization has given us clothing that can shield our skin and provide warmth. Is a hairy back some kind of vestigial evolutionary trait, like the tonsils, the appendix and the gall bladder? I'm starting to wonder. All that hair on the torso is a bother – maybe it'a holdover from our caveman past. Some hair is actually functional. Eyebrows, we need the eyebrows -- how else to express irony, derision, suspicion and other emotions? But so much of the other hair is purely optional; there are some people who actually like the look of it. If you are one of those hairy "throwbacks", or married to one go ahead and keep the hair there. Otherwise, it's time to wax and shine. (But skip the tattoo). :-)