Strangely Fascinating, 10 Years Later

Zowie Bowie - Pic courtesy of tumblr.com

by Trebor Snillor

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I'm going through

David Bowie, Changes

Today is icky and cold, a little overcast. Starbucks is overrun with people like me seeking a warm-up. The one week forecast shows all manner of ups and downs, almost like weather imitating life. My long weekend seems much abbreviated by the fact that I’m moving out of my kitchen into the dining room. A new kitchen is coming in the next few weeks.

This blog celebrated a 10 year anniversary 3 weeks ago, which went pretty well unnoticed even by me. In 2005, I had grandiose plans for this to be an income-producing eZine. It failed spectacularly at that and I even considered killing it off a couple of years ago. Now it has survived almost more as a personal journal than any kind of social-cultural commentary.

THESE 10 YEARS

In 10 years, some things have changed (but not remarkably for me). I was a strident anti-Bush lefty in 2005 – now my reaction to most things political is “meh”. One of the certain joys of being an old, single man is that you can care a little bit less about things. I used to think the world hung in the balance and now I’m not even sure anything really matters at all. By the time we (as a society) ever can distinguish our asses from our elbows I’ll be long dead. I’m thinking cremation and not burial – my ashes should be free.

There are things that simultaneously annoy and amuse me. We have a black President and white Republicans are eager to say racism is over. We have gay marriage in 37 states – many of the same people think homophobia made the exit with racism. Wrong on both counts – the ism’s are alive and well. To quote Truman Capote, “A faggot is the homosexual gentleman who just left the room”. The recent events in Ferguson MO make it clear that nothing is exactly clear with race either. We humans are works in progress; we have an amazing capacity for self-delusion.

I’m strangely fascinated that my life is so much the same as 2005.. Same job, same house, same single status. I’ve had several relatives expire and a brother move 2000 miles away. I’ve had some pets die; have had some friends disappear just from the ebb of jobs and the flow of mundane circumstances. A good friend (and constant lunch companion) just retired from my company.. am envying his new independence. I’m remodeling and refurnishing my house so necessity demands a steady, real paycheck for now.

CONCLUSION

I’m probably a bit under the influence of a gray sky. I’m optimistic at the very base of it all – nowhere near standing on a window ledge. To quote the Rolling Stones, “Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind”. I still have a whole collection of dreams, but they’re no longer the Technicolor extravaganzas that they were.

I think if I can achieve financial independence and 10 years of pre-senile awareness I might still mark a couple of things off my bucket list.. Am realizing how depressing this preceding blog post seems -- not at all appropriate for a man getting a new kitchen. I’m now shifting into my “optimism” gear – I intend to tackle that bucket list! No excuses – not even a gray sky.

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