Transcendental Vegetation

Doug Heffernan, chowing down -- Picture courtesy CBS

by blogSpotter
We live in a world that changes wildly, all the time. But one thing is fairly constant is that we have 24 hours in a day. Another constant is the 8 hour work day and the need (on average) for 8 hours of sleep. Now, this leaves you with 8 "discretionary" hours. If you subtract off errands, exercise, parenting tasks, commute time and occasional overtime, you might be left with what's actually only 4 discretionary hours on a week day. So, how do we make use of the time? We flake out on the couch and watch TV, that's how. Speaking of which, I watched one episode of "King of Queens" where Carrie walks in to find Doug sprawled on the couch. Pizza sauce is dribbled on his chin, and Dorito crumbs make a trail down his chest. I laughed heartily until I realized that I was likewise on a couch. The only redeeming fact was that I had Fat Free Pringles crumbs making the trail.

In my defense, I live alone. Don't have anyone to engage in debates about Voltaire or Sartre. (Uh huh, that's what we'd be debating :-) ). If I want human voices or faces, depending on the lateness of the hour, it's pretty much going to be TV (transcendental vegetation). Now, maybe along the lines of Fat Free Pringles, I could mitigate my slovenly habits by watching PBS and the History Channel. For whatever reason, I don't want to look at vintage clips of Churchill or clips of Doris Kearns-Goodwin making a comparison between John Kerry and Abe Lincoln. I went to college and paid my dues -- no more class for me. I want to be entertained dammit; make me laugh or make me cry. At 11:00PM just don't make me think.

I'm about to turn the big 5-0 and in the last couple of years I did make concessions to the fact that my couch was concave and I was convex. I began to exercise at 24 Hour Fitness, and further created my Couch Potato Guidelines to live by....

1. You don't have to watch everything you record. Give Tivo a rest.
2. You don't have to see every 1st-run episode of a favorite show. That's what reruns and DVDs are for.
3. Limit your must-see shows to 4. If you have more than that, somebody needs to 'get a life'.
4. Multitask -- pay bills, fold laundry, answer emails while the TV is going. If it's FOX or WB33, you won't even miss any of the plot line.
5. If you are getting eye fatigue or carpel tunnel from scrolling down 500 channels, it's God's way of telling you there really is too much of a good thing.

I would never ever be like some of my acquaintances who claim to have banished the TV. I don't like black-and-white thinking of that sort -- there are actually some very worthy broadcasts (CNN Headlines, Weather channel) -- things that might keep you current or make you safer. I'm keeping the baby AND the bath water thank you very much. TV is just so doggone entertaining, you have to limit its influence. Much like food, it's always around and somewhat a necessity so we must learn to coexist... Peacefully and without Dorito crumbs.

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