The Mommy Files
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle?
by blogSpotter
Linda Hirshman, a retired philosophy professor tells young mothers, "Get to work!". In this week's Newsweek magazine, she expounds on the virtues of the work world for mothers. She says that a woman should have work that brings her honor, compensation, influence, a way of being political and a hand in shaping the world. When presented with the concept of stay-at-home mom, she flatly rejects it as unworthy and less than honorable for a woman. Already as I read this, I'm sensing an extreme point of view.
My own cards on the table -- I agree that women should have career training and aim for some type of career besides that of 'hausfrau'. However, I see nothing wrong with a woman taking a career hiatus to raise small children at least thru the early years. Day care is exorbitantly expensive for middle class families, and it's better for children to imprint on their mother than a nanny or a day care employee. Most American companies don't provide or even subsidize day care for young mothers so the choices are limited.
Ms. Hirshman expounds further. She believes that women should require husbands to do half the housework or kick in for a maid. OK, no disagreement there. I figure whichever spouse is home more will 'default' into doing more of the housework, but a deal can always be struck. Then, however, Ms. Hirshman heads toward the direction of shrillness and militancy. She recommends that women deny sex to their husbands if the husbands disagree with any of her marital demands; she also recommends having only one child. Most women probably value marriage and family as much as Ms. Hirshman values her career. They'd be foolish to risk a treasured relationship to make a political point. Compromise and diplomacy are the words that come to mind. If everyone stopped at one child, the population would dwindle to zero, as one child isn't even sufficient to replace the parents (much less account for accidental deaths, etc). Ms. Hirshman would do well to reflect on the phrase "To each his own". Her intense career juggernaut isn't mine or yours -- it's hers. Let's leave it that way, and then to each his or her own.
© 2006 blogSpotter.
Labels: Society
posted by blogspotter @ 7:07 PM
2 Comments:
Ms. Hirshman wanting to deny her husband sex if he does not cave to her marital demands explains why she's a Ms. Hirshman. She obviously does not understand the concept of marriage as a partnership where the spouses value the partnership and work together for the mutual satisfaction of all concerned. When one gets married it is "we" and not "me."
I have found that being an actively involved, stay-at-home mom brought me honor, compensation, influence a way of being political (I had time to be a community leader and election judge), and that I had a hand at shaping the world by shaping the next generation.
Being a stay-at -home mom is a career. One has to know a lot about a wide variety of topics to rear children and manage a household. If women want another career, they can have careers in their 40's, 50's and 60's. Your brains don't dry up when you have kids or as you get older. In fact, you have a better sense of self as you get into your 40's. I know that waiting to have that second career is a type of delayed gratification and our society isn't really good at delayed gratification.
Interesting that people always say that a woman should stay at home while the children are small. A parent needs to be around when the children are teenagers, too. They need you so much then even if they are hissing in your face and saying that they don't. A kid can avoid a lot of problems/trouble by saying that "I have to get home. Mom will have a fit if I don't." Oh, and they don't have daycare for teenagers. Not any that your kids will go to by high-school age.
If you are the stay-at-home mom, it's funny how all the other kids with working moms gravitate to your house. Seems the poor, brain dead mom that's around to tell them to not walk through the neighbor's flower bed and otherwise call them on their behavior still is called "Mom" by all those kids that are now in their twenties. I think that makes a statement for stay-at-home moms.
Have to agree with you. After reading other responses in the magazine, 'hausfrau' can be a worthy career unto itself. Have to retract where I said 'at least while they are young'.
Teens need parenting more than ever; many thanks to stay-at-home moms for kids of all ages.
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