Time Waits for No One

Macabre Illusion

I was 24 when I noticed the first wrinkles on my forehead, probably 30 when I noticed a gray hair. I wasn't pleased, but neither was I that bothered. In my subconscious mind, I was Dorian Gray -- the first mutant of humanity that would never age. By 35, my waist had expanded to 33" and my hairline was starting a very noticeable retreat. Dorian was fading fast. Now, 35 is looking good to me. I require reading glasses, must take Metamucil and my internal metabolism has slowed down to a crawl.

What human affairs and finances do to you may be deplorable; what your own physical body does to you over time is the ultimate outrage. Listening to the Rolling Stones' song, "Time Waits for No One", you feel the irony of it all. The bad boys of Rock'n Roll look positively geriatric and only an eye blink from when they were at the top of their game. If you've had a crummy life with lots of setbacks, will Time wait for you then? Maybe give you a 10 year dispensation for drug rehab or a misspent youth? Afraid not. Time is ruthless. We all have ATDS -- acquired time deficiency syndrome. It will kill us dead, as surely as RAID kills a roach. You might even live to be 114. The last 74 years of that will be as a less attractive non-youth; the last 20 will be in a wheelchair and the last 5 will be as a blind person pushing a world record and probably wishing for death.

On my grandmother's 86th birthday, she was nonplussed. "Can you believe I'm 86?" I couldn't believe it; being middle-aged myself, I could easily remember when she was an active woman close to my age now. She did pass away at 93. She outlived her husband by 28 years and most of her other friends and relatives by a good 5 years. Her life was rich and full, but a clock on the wall drained away its vibrancy in the end. I hear the Clock ticking now...think maybe I’ll go digital.

Should I rush madly about, to do noble deeds and make up for time lost? Nah, it would make me a nervous wreck and part of what I enjoy in life is lazing about. Where do we go when we make the ultimate transition? According to my father, you go back to where you were before you were born. (Thanks Dad -- that tells me a lot). He's there now, wherever it is. Can diet, exercise and face cream forestall the hands of Time? They’ll make you look better, but genes play the biggest role in longevity, not lifestyle. George Burns made it to 100 having a daily night cap and a cigar. Shall I be cremated or buried whole? I know that I hate claustrophobia – maybe just set me out somewhere. Tonight I’ll probably apply some eye cream made w/ bee’s wax. Will this force Time into retreat? Dorian is vainly hoping so, because neither he nor anyone else, despite ferocity of religious beliefs, knows what lies in the beyond.