The Games People Play

Baby needs a new pair of shoes 

Seems many of my friends have tired of the singles scene, and now do their dating in on-line chat rooms, be it match.com, AOL member rooms, or various other options. One obvious appeal of this is that you can do it from the comfort of your den, wearing boxers and a tee shirt.

I've given it a cursory look myself, and I'm not as enamored of this high-tech approach. I've had disappointments seeing people up close, from across a smoky bar. Imagine the surprises you can be in for if you're looking at someone's out-of-date, digitally enhanced photo. If you're a brave soul who goes by verbal description alone, the chances for disappointment rise exponentially. Very few people are going to tell it like it is: fat, average-looking, pear-shaped. If they post a picture, it will be a boudoir photo from a very best angle. The things that would turn you off at a singles bar or a church social, in person, will belatedly strike you when you finally meet in person. Things like a high-pitched voice, no chin or being one foot shorter than stated in a profile. Some people may operate on the principal of immediate gratification -- you've driven across town and canceled other appointments, you might as well settle.

There are other unsavory aspects to on-line dating. All the dialogs, pictures and videos are traceable and can be forwarded by unscrupulous recipients. Then there is the story of two German men who met in a chat room; one of them killed and ate (that's right, cannibalized) the other man. It may have been consensual but nevertheless. Nobody wants a date to end like that. There are less sensational reasons to be hesitant. You need a broadband connection, or just viewing profiles and opening picture is endless tedium. Some of the same things that made you tired of bars can tire you on-line. The same-old same-old. "Aren't these the same 6 ID's I see logged on every time?"

The best way to meet someone, is to see them in all their three-dimensional glory. See them in a setting which isn't fraught with any kind of expectation; see them in a public venue or public event. You can still play lots of mind games with each other: "Yes, I'm an astronaut". But at least the biggest possibility of fraudulence is eliminated. Now, the boobs may be fake or the hair is a toupee, but such trickery has always been the case. I must say in closing, that maybe my mind is not open enough; several of my friends have gone completely over to on-line coupling. If I'm wrong about all this, someone email me and maybe include a picture. :-)